It’s easy to think we’re living for today or tomorrow, but the reality is that many of us live bound by our past. We play out old habits and thinking patterns and bring them into our relationships today. Simply telling ourselves to move on doesn’t work — these are deep-seated beliefs that exist in our subconscious. But there are certain types of meditation and self-discovery exercises, like “cord cutting,” that can break them free, so we can restart our lives fresh.
Meet Your Teacher: Tristan Gatto
Tristan Gatto has been a physical therapist assistant for 11 years, and is a certified yoga teacher and DailyOM course creator. “What I found while working with clients is that there’s always mental stuff that gets in the way of their progress,” Gatto says. Oftentimes, these are attachments to things in their past. “These keep us from moving forward in life,” he explains.
That’s why he works with people on “cutting cords” in order to reclaim their personal power, set healthy boundaries, discover their motivation for change, and move forward in a way that leads them toward a better life.
What Does “Cutting Cords” Mean?
Cords refer to invisible, energetic connections that link you to people, situations, or emotions from your past. These cords can show up in your life as lack of boundaries, fear of asking for help, people pleasing, and perfectionism. And these things can interfere with your mental health. For example, research suggests that those who struggle with perfectionism tend to view themselves as “weak, flawed and easily rejected.”
However, you can learn to identify and release these cords — and be better off for it. “It is our responsibility to cut the cords of the past and to allow ourselves to learn from that and realize that’s not our reality, and we are powerful enough to create our own reality,” Gatto says.
The first step is to free yourself from these emotional ties before you can reclaim your power and attract the fulfilling life you want.
When you go through the process of releasing cords that connect you to the past, the experience may surprise you in a few key ways:
- Know that you may resist. Starting this work can be scary. “You may have thoughts pop up in the back of your head questioning if you can do this,” Gatto says. “This work feels like a risk — your subconscious wants to mitigate disaster and it doesn’t want you to get hurt.” You have to get out of your own way and commit to doing the work.
- Know that all experiences matter. Cutting cords is helpful to release you from traumas of your past, but it’s also okay if you don’t have a “big” trauma to work through, Gatto shares. We all have things that we’re tethered to in our past, such as a relationship; belief systems passed on from parents, friends, or family members; or micro-traumas.
- Know that you can do it on your time. There is no “right” amount of time to dedicate to this inner work, Gatto explains. “I recommend people go through this at a pace that feels good for them,” he says.
- Know that this can be done with therapy. You don’t have to do the work of healing and cutting cords alone. “I do this work in conjunction with therapy. The two work really well together,” says Gatto. However, if you have thoughts of suicide or self-harm, this type of deep inner work should be put on pause if you’re doing it on your own, and you should seek out help from a professional healthcare professional as soon as possible.
4 Ways to Set Yourself Up for Successful Cord Cutting
Before you begin cutting cords, here are some helpful things you can do to make the most of this kind of work.
1. Set Up Your Space
What makes you feel secure? Whether it’s creating a comfortable nook in your home or cleansing your space with palo santo or sage, setting up an area that makes you feel safe will help support you as you go through the work of healing, Gatto says. Putting on theta wave meditation music, which is easy to find on YouTube, can help get you into the right state of mind. (More on this meditation in a minute.)
2. Embrace Your Emotions
It’s not an easy road — but there are bright spots throughout. “We’re humans and we’re complicated. We can go through every emotion while cutting cords, but that’s why we’re here. You don’t know happiness without sadness,” Gatto says. You may feel sad, frustrated, or angry at points, but on the other side is happiness, contentment, and a sense of knowing yourself better. Allow yourself to move through it all.
3. Learn About Neuroplasticity
Cutting cords requires a combination of approaches, including theta wave meditations, which help unravel old beliefs and reprogram your subconscious. This works via neuroplasticity, or the brain’s ability to form new connections, Gatto explains. Neuroplasticity allows you to shift to healthier patterns of thinking. A brain that’s essentially “stuck” has been linked to negative mood states, including depression, according to research.
Theta wave meditation “gets you into such a deep, relaxed state that your subconscious feels safe. It relaxes, allowing you to open the door to it and address this maladaptive programming,” says Gatto. Basically, it can help you get through the part of your brain that’s trying to put up blockades, so you can go in and help rewire unhelpful thinking. It’s not as straightforward and easy as that may sound — your mind is resistant to change — so sometimes you might have to try these meditations multiple times to have a breakthrough, he notes.
4. Use Journaling as a Processing Tool
Journaling is an essential process of cutting cords. After meditation, journaling can help you reflect on what came up, helping you develop insights on your past experiences, trauma, thought and behavior patterns, and belief systems. You’re also encouraged to look toward the future and write these thoughts in your journal, which will essentially help you focus on things to strive toward in everyday life.
“What future-oriented thoughts or beliefs can you create? Those are the things you can focus on with journaling,” says Gatto.
The Bottom Line
Cutting cords refers to releasing invisible, energetic connections that link you to people, situations, or emotions from your past. Throughout that process, you can learn to set healthy boundaries, clear out feelings of unworthiness, overcome perfectionism and the fear of failure, and move through deep-rooted emotional pain. All for a better life starting today. It can be scary, but it’s worth it.
“We are powerful enough to create our reality and belief system. But you have to be willing to dive into the unknown,” says Gatto.
