Just as you can be happy, miserable, or somewhere in between while in a romantic relationship, being happy as a single person can range from a seemingly far-off, unrealistic goal to the thing that shines most in your daily life.
If you’re not on the bright side of that spectrum and wish to make the most of single life, there’s a lot you can do to ensure that life unpartnered fills your cup. Here’s what experts advise.
How Many of Us Are Single?
In recent decades, singlehood has been on the rise in cultures around the world, including in the United States. In Japan, single culture has even been dubbed a movement known as ohitorisama, which, loosely translated, means “party of one.”
In 2020, about 31 percent of adults in the U.S. reported not being in a committed romantic relationship, according to Pew Research Center findings. Among them, about half were perfectly content with being single while half hoped to find a partner.
In a 2018 survey conducted in the UK by Style magazine, 53 percent of women reported feeling “much happier” after a divorce, while only 32 percent of men did. Women surveyed were also more likely to use positive words like “celebration,” “excitement,” and “glad” to describe their newfound freedom — whereas men more often used descriptors like “failure” and “disappointment.”
The Health Benefits of Being Single
Whether you’re single by choice, a relationship hopeful, or neutral about your status, there are benefits to embrace. For example, unless you’re a busy parent with children at home or a caretaker, being single usually means living by your own schedule, which can positively influence your health.
When you’re single and on your own, “you have the richest soil for growth,” licensed therapist and author John Kim tells DailyOM. “You have no one to answer to. You can redesign your life. You can make it about you and you only.” For those reasons, it may be easier to keep up nourishing habits, like fitting exercise into your daily life, maintaining a restful sleep routine, or exploring your artistic side.
A study published in Social Science & Medicine in 2015 showed that married adults tend to exercise less than single adults. That makes sense for many folks, given that having fewer obligations leaves more time to hit the gym or go for a spur-of-the-moment hike.
Another study, conducted in the U.K., published in 2022, showed that spouses’ sleep rhythms tend to affect each other, potentially leading to disrupted sleep. An early bird and a night owl pair, for example, might wake each other up when getting out of or into bed. Someone who snores can easily startle a light-sleeping partner awake.
And both routine exercise and restful sleep are linked with a range of health benefits, from a lower risk for heart disease to fewer signs of anxiety and depression.
To invite similar perks as a single parent or caretaker, make sure you seek out or accept support from family and friends. A 2022 study published in the Journal of Affective Disorders Reports showed that both can lower your odds of mental distress, leading to happier living.
6 Ways to Be Happy Single
1. Investigate Your Beliefs (No, There Is Nothing Wrong With You)
It might be tougher to feel content as a single person if you buy into cultural stigmas around what being single means — such as that there’s something “wrong” with you because of your status, which is absolutely false. Still, believing otherwise is an easy trap to fall into, according to board-certified sexologist Megan Stubbs, EdD, and not your fault.
“Oftentimes singlehood isn’t seen as a positive,” she tells DailyOM. Given that, she suggests figuring out where those negative feelings you’re experiencing around the status come from — such as family pressure, societal norms, people in your life telling you you’re too picky, or your own narrative of thinking you’d be better off with a partner.
“Whatever your life path is, just know that it’s okay to be single,” she adds. “Think of all of the decisions you can make on your own without consulting a partner, let alone all of the free bed space you’ll have, unless you have a dog.”
2. Don’t Make Finding a Relationship Your No. 1 Goal
It’s completely fine to want to find a romantic partner, but making it your primary goal could chip away at your happiness, according to licensed marriage and family therapist Gabriela Gutierrez, PhD.
“Life is not on pause just because you’re single,” she tells DailyOM. “Although it can be intimidating to do things alone, try one or two things that you’ve been waiting to do with a partner that you can treat yourself to instead.” Have you wanted to pursue dance lessons or a vacation in a particular place? Make a plan for yourself to enjoy it, with or without friends, instead.
If you have been fixating on finding a partner, Gutierrez suggests asking yourself, “If your life was not so driven by needing a relationship, what else might catch your focus and energy?” That practice can serve as a mighty form of self-love and pave the way to soul-nourishing adventures.
3. Nurture Your Sexuality
Whether you have a partner or not, your sexuality is, first and foremost, your own. And being single does not need to mean a hiatus in your sex life.
“I like to say that time spent on yourself is never time wasted,” says Stubbs, who describes singlehood as “the perfect time to explore and maybe try something new [sexually].” Purchase a new sex toy or switch up your self-pleasure game by trying new techniques, for example, or explore something more in depth, if it appeals to you, like attending kink workshops or seeking out conscientious hookups — meaning no-strings-attached sex that involves mutual respect and communication.
Not your speed? Gutierrez suggests reading erotica or exploring a steamy activity you skipped due to your past partner’s disinterest as helpful ways to nurture your individual sexuality. “Being single is a wonderful time to play by your own rules, sexually or not, and to use your freedom productively,” she explains. So if an ex wasn’t into erotic films or bringing toys into the bedroom, now could be a prime time for both — for fun and self-discovery.
“For singles, [solo sexual activities] can play an important role in rediscovering your relationship to your own body, both sexually and sensually,” Gutierrez adds.
4. Meet Any Loneliness With Self-Compassion
Loneliness is no fun, with or without a partner. And when special occasions like holidays roll around, feelings of isolation can spike higher, for singles in particular.
A study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences in 2018 showed that being single is directly correlated with romantic loneliness and having unmet needs. According to a ValuePenguin survey, 55 percent of Americans reported feeling more “blue” leading up to the holidays in 2021 than in the year before, with single adults reporting 65 percent more loneliness than their coupled-up counterparts.
While you can cultivate experiences that brighten your spirits, there’s no need to shun yourself for having those completely natural and valid emotions. “Loneliness is a real thing,” says Kim. “I think the first thing to do [when it crops up] is not judge it but accept it, knowing that you are human. Then surround yourself with people who fill you up.”
5. Consider What Makes You Happy
This might seem obvious, but homing in on what your happiness entails is an easy step to miss, says Kim. “I tell people that I found myself through motorcycles, barbells, and donuts when I was single,” he adds. “You have to do what makes you happy, starting with reexamining what makes you happy. Then execute the daily practice of giving yourself that, which most of us are not used to.”
So rather than assume your happiness will blossom based on ideas you’ve picked up from societal messages or social media glimpses into others’ lives, take some time to journal or reflect on what truly ignites your spirits. Then start taking steps toward doing those things.
6. Lean on Others
Being single doesn’t mean you have to go it alone. In fact, keeping up with your social circles may make all the difference between an “okay” single life and a joyful one.
A study published in Applied Research in Quality of Life in 2019 showed that unmarried people tend to have more social interactions with colleagues, friends, and family than married people do. The researchers also found that the more socially engaged people are, the happier they are, especially for singles.
“A ‘single’ relationship status does not mean that you have to be alone all the time,” licensed professional counselor and outpatient clinician Jillian Zeitler tells DailyOM. Building quality relationships with friends and family is just as important as spending time with yourself and addressing negative self-talk, she adds. “Invest in those relationships that are meaningful to you and allow them to invest in you.”
