Ever wonder which generation is having the most sex? What about the least? We asked the experts to weigh in on whether Generation X, millennials, or Generation Zers are the most sexually active and the reasons behind it.
Recent arguments have broken out on social media (shocker, we know) over which generation is having the most sex. Sex used to be a taboo topic, but now people of all generations talk about it unabashedly on a far more intimate level. For example, people in middle age or post-menopause might experience better sex than younger adults and have more desire to explore sexually.
To assuage this curiosity, we talked to experts to find out whether it’s Generation X (those born in the 1960s and 1970s), Generation Z (those born in the mid- to late 1990s and early 2000s), or millennials (those born in the 1980s and early 1990s) who are having the most — and least — sex these days, and why. Here’s what they had to say.
First, Let’s Talk About Sex
A healthy sex life is important for many people. According to a study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology in April 2022, sex serves as a tool to convey a certain purpose, such as a sense of security in a relationship, and enables both partners to negotiate and even repair a relationship during tumultuous times.
“I think of sexuality as a practice that can help you learn how to communicate to a partner what you’re interested in, what your boundaries are, and what you’re enthusiastic to try,” says Sari Cooper, a certified sex therapist and the founder and director of the Center for Love and Sex in New York City. “When people retreat from having any sexual activity or [have] very infrequent sex, they have less opportunities to practice and learn these communication skills, build up their confidence, and, in essence, develop what I’ve coined their ‘sex esteem.’”
In order to be fully present and care for others, one needs to take care of oneself. Taking time to refill one’s gas tank with rest, healthy food, and connection is the first step to get oneself back to a place to explore embodied pleasure.
That doesn’t mean there’s a “right” or “wrong” amount of sex, or that you need to be worried if you’re having less than you used to. Debra Laino, a sex and relationship therapist in the Philadelphia area, says, “I do not think having less sex is a problem. It is part of a growth cycle that happens naturally, but both partners need to communicate about sexual expectations or there can be a huge impact with relational dysfunction and resentment.”
Interested in learning more? Check out Sex and Intimacy After 40.
Who Is Having the Most Sex?
Drumroll, please … according to Laino and Cooper, the generation having the most sex is Generation X (born between 1965 and 1980). Despite the fact that they’re in their 40s and 50s now, this generation is having more frequent sex than their younger counterparts. Surprised? The truth is that Generation X feels less shame and guilt surrounding sex, which helps them get hot and heavy with their partners more frequently.
Cooper says that Generation X is more adept at expressing their sexual desires than their younger counterparts. “Gen X emerged from the generation that fought for women’s liberation, access to oral contraceptives, and legal abortion. Gen Xers also came after the generation of hippies extolling the advantages of free love and rebellion against the establishment, so their sexuality is closely identified with a sense of entitlement and identity.”
Who Is Having the Least Sex?
Gen X (or should we say Gen Sex?) may be getting busy, but according to a study published in June 2020 in JAMA Network Open, more young adults age 18 to 34 are going without sex today than almost ever before. Researchers found that sexual inactivity for up to a year among men increased from 19 percent to 31 percent during the last two decades and that rate nearly doubled among women.
Even though the upper range of Gen Z (people born between 1997 and 2012) is at an age where you’d imagine they’d be more sexually active, that isn’t the case. In fact, Laino says that Generation Z is having the least sex right now, but not for the reasons you might assume.
“This generation is in an interesting position sexually. Mental health is down, social media use is up, and scrolling dating apps is a regular behavioral pattern. There also seems to be a rise in anxiety issues with Generation Z,” Laino explains.
In addition, this cohort is coming of age in an era where there is a gender revolution going on, so they are still figuring out how they identify, as well as what they desire sexually, says Laino. And that can be a good thing if people are taking the time to better understand who they are and what they want.
“Based on my clinical experience, Gen Zers and millennials [those born between 1981 and 1996] are having less sex than Gen Xers,” Cooper adds. She says these younger generations are more inclined to focus on education, job opportunities, and security, and to avoid personal commitments, like marriage, buying a home or car, and starting a family, until they feel more financially established.
“I find many people come to sex therapy in their late 20s and early 30s when they have finally started their first committed relationship and have little to no experience in how to communicate their sexual desires,” Cooper says.
Why Is Sex Important?
If you’re dating and engaging in safe sex with different partners, or are in a monogamous relationship, being intimate can help you feel more connected, which ultimately will lead to better communication and mental health.
“We see a lot of partnered couples at Center for Love and Sex who are not engaging sexually with one another. It causes them to have a sense of loss of connection, more irritability when they disagree on issues, and for the higher-desire partner, a loneliness at not feeling desired. For the lower-desire partner, it creates a sense of guilt and pressure,” says Cooper.
“What I say to clients who are beleaguered and depleted by so many responsibilities is that their erotic and sexual health is a form of mental health and wellness,” she continues. “In order to be fully present and care for others, one needs to take care of oneself. Taking time to refill one’s gas tank with rest, healthy food, and connection is the first step to get oneself back to a place to explore embodied pleasure. Otherwise, you’re just surviving to get from task A to task B.”
How Can You Have More Sex? (If You Want to, That Is!)
Obviously, having a willing partner is a big part of the equation for having more partnered sex. But it isn’t the only way to satisfy your sexual urges, whether you’re happily single, married, or in a committed relationship. You just need to be open and honest about what you want.
You can also take matters into your own hands (literally!) if you’re interested in exploring your sexuality on your own. “Sex toys are a great option here,” says Laino. “Exploring what feels good with different types of toys can bring a lot of awareness to oneself. If toys are not an option, you can also explore with your hands and get connected to your body that way.”
If you are in a committed relationship, talk to your partner about experimenting in the bedroom to spice up your love life.
“I created the term ‘sex esteem’ because, over 25 years of helping clients, I witnessed, for most people, that their sexuality is an integral part of the way they feel about themselves,” says Cooper. “Without the guiding principles of confidence, communication, and curiosity, most people will feel unprepared to talk to a partner about the kind of sexual life they are interested in cultivating and how to sustain it after the honeymoon period has waned.”
5 Sex Tips for Maximizing Your Enjoyment
Here, Cooper shares her top five tips to spice things up in the bedroom.
- Create a menu of intimate sexual experiences you would be interested in and open to having with your partner, and invite them to “dine” with you at your next intimacy date.
- Ensure the room you choose to be intimate in is free of clutter and reminders of chores. Instead, make sure it is filled with things that set the mood like a diffuser with lavender scent, a playlist with songs that inspire sexiness, or sexy outfits that highlight your partner’s favorite body parts. You can also do this by yourself while masturbating or trying sex toys if you don’t currently have a partner.
- Watch or listen to sexually explicit media that you both agree is a turn-on. Or watch it alone if you’re exploring your sexuality solo.
- Have a daytime date versus an evening date, when you both have more energy and childcare isn’t an issue.
- Give each other massages, take a shower together, or do partner yoga without an expectation of sex. All of these experiences begin to get each person back into physical touch with themselves and their partner, while jointly calming their nervous systems.
Remember, there is no right or wrong number of times you should be having sex — and it’s certainly not a competition between the different generations. No matter what age and stage you’re at, it’s really just about making sure you and your partner(s) are satisfied with your situation. The general rule is if everyone's needs are being met, there is no issue. But you should always have open conversations, as needs can change, Laino says.
The Bottom Line
Although Generation X is having more sex than millennials and Generation Z, there are plenty of ways to improve your sex life, regardless of your age, gender, or relationship status. The most important thing is to remember that sex is really just another way of connecting with yourself and your partner. So, try to make it a priority and don’t let it fall to the bottom of your “to-do” list.
“Sex is so important for many reasons,” says Laino. “Sex can boost self-esteem and make one feel a sense of vitality, which is translated as energy and happiness. There are times that life takes over, for sure, but making time for sexual intimacy is important. Communication about your wants, needs, and desires is imperative. Both partners just need to communicate about sexual expectations prior to getting into a long-term relationship.”
