Stress can be good for you. Yes, really. By harnessing your response to stress in these healthy, expert-approved ways, you can flourish and even turn stress into a help instead of a hindrance.
Your inbox is overflowing. You just had a dustup with your partner over the credit card bill. Your phone beeps with alarming updates about the recession and climate change. Stress is all around us, true. But here’s some news that might help you chill a little: Some day-to-day stress is actually good for you, according to a growing body of research.
“If you want to grow and take on new challenges, you will have stress,” Melanie Greenberg, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author of The Stress-Proof Brain: Master Your Emotional Response to Stress Using Mindfulness and Neuroplasticity, tells DailyOM. “But are you energized by life’s stresses or overwhelmed? Your mindset can make a difference. You can learn to see yourself as a resilient coper.”
The Upside of Stress
You might not love the feeling of butterflies in your stomach, but the stress response evolved to help us, not kill us, explains Dr. Greenberg. When you are faced with an immediate stressor, whether a woolly mammoth or a work presentation, your body and mind react to help you respond successfully. Your body releases stress chemicals to give you a burst of energy — your heart beats faster, your breathing quickens to bring more oxygen to your brain.
Short-term stress can focus and energize us: A November 2022 study published in the journal Neuropsychologia, for example, found that subjects who reported low to moderate stress in their everyday lives did better on tests of working memory. “Working memory is essential to executive function tasks such as decision-making,” lead researcher Assaf Oshri, PhD, a professor in the Human Development and Family Science department at the University of Georgia, tells DailyOM. (Those who faced daily stress with resources such as social support coped best.) These kinds of short-lived stress workouts may rewire the brain to help you prepare to cope with future stresses better, he theorizes.
Managing life’s everyday stresses head-on gives you the confidence you can handle what the future may dish out.
A previous study of Dr. Oshri’s in 2022 found that experiencing low to moderate stress helped individuals develop resilience and reduced their risk of mental health issues. “If you’re in an environment where you have some level of stress, you may develop mechanisms that allow you to cope effectively and prepare for new challenges,” says Oshri. His work builds on earlier research that found people who have lived through adversity, such as the death of a loved one, typically emerge stronger for it.
Interested in learning more? Check out Positive Affirmations to Start Your Day
Finding the Stress Sweet Spot
Of course, there’s such a thing as too much stress, Oshri emphasizes. Stress levels can be thought of as falling along a continuum; the optimum is in the middle. If you have no stress to motivate you, you may never rise from your puddle on the couch. At the other extreme is severe or chronic stress: living in poverty, enduring a traumatic childhood, being surrounded by racism.
Stress is most harmful when it is relentless and you perceive it to be out of your control, Oshri notes. Severe stress overwhelms our ability to cope and reduces our cognitive abilities. Such toxic levels of ongoing stress have been shown to take a heavy physical and emotional toll. And stress overload is all too common right now: The American Psychological Association’s study Stress in America 2022: Concerned for the Future, Beset by Inflation found that about a third of adults reported that their stress is “completely overwhelming” on most days.
“There’s a sweet spot,” says Jeanette M. Bennett, PhD, an experimental health psychologist who studies the effects of stress on health at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. “How much pressure or stress do you need to be able to perform well? It varies from person to person and even day to day.” (For example, Dr. Bennett recalls that as a college student, she did her best work when she had a maximum courseload to keep her firing on all cylinders.)
Our self-care culture may celebrate the importance of avoiding stress at all costs and giving off “chill vibes.” But believing that all stress is bad — even dangerous — may prevent us from coping effectively. Research suggests it is better to welcome your stress response as natural, even helpful: An oft-cited 2013 study out of Harvard University asked participants to give a short speech (a classic sweat inducer!). Those subjects who were instructed to embrace stress by viewing their butterflies and quickened pulse as “excitement,” not anxiety, performed better and felt more confident than subjects who were instructed to simply try to calm down before giving the speech.
Ultimately, managing life’s everyday stresses head-on gives you the confidence that you can handle what the future may dish out. “Think of it like building calluses,” says Oshri. “If your skin has developed calluses from use, it can withstand more.”
7 Steps for Mastering Daily Stress
1. Avoid Avoidance
You are freaking out at having to start your taxes, so you escape into the oblivion of TikTok. But we drain a lot of mental energy by purposefully trying to avoid thinking about something, says Beth Kurland, PhD, a clinical psychologist, mind-body coach, and author of Dancing on the Tightrope: Transcending the Habits of Your Mind and Awakening to Your Fullest Life. Ever accomplished a task you’ve been putting off? Remember how relieved you were when you finally did it, and how it took less time than you thought it would?
Writing down your concerns helps shift brain activity from the amygdala, the emotional fear center of the brain, to the prefrontal cortex, the “thinking” part. “You can then choose how you want to respond,” Dr. Kurland tells DailyOM.
2. Change Your Self-Talk
Anxiety about a situation can limit our thinking and make us focus on the negative aspects, says Greenberg. Get into the practice of shifting your thinking from What do I stand to lose? to What do I stand to gain? she suggests. You might be dreading a visit with your extended family, but can you think of it as a chance to get closer to a favorite cousin?
Greenberg recommends you prepare by filling out simple flashcards to keep handy: “I am choosing to do this because it will give me _______.” “I am willing to be uncomfortable because I want to _______.”
Opportunities to practice abound, agrees Kurland. Next time you are stuck in a traffic snarl, recast it as a great chance to listen to a favorite podcast, for example.
3. Control What You Can
“The highest level of stress is when we feel we have no control over a situation,” notes Kurland. Look for ways to take action — for example, prepping over time for a big job interview. Even in an overwhelming situation, look for small areas you do have control over. If you are coping with a stressful job, you could seek out a work BFF to have lunch with on the regular and unload.
4. Lean on Others
Life may be hard at times, but we don’t have to face it alone. “Social support from family, friends, and peers can be an important buffer against stress,” says Oshri. Having good support can help us cope with challenges that might otherwise flatten us, he notes.
Talking through your stresses with friends or loved ones is very helpful, agrees Kurland. Also key is reaching out for professional help when life’s stresses become too big to cope with alone or when the overwhelm is making it hard to function or enjoy life, notes Kurland.
5. Develop Go-To Coping Strategies
Find practices that help you stay out of the “red zone” when you start feeling frazzled. That starts with good basics — adequate sleep, exercise, and a healthy diet, notes Greenberg.
She also recommends treating yourself with self-compassion during challenging times. How would you help a friend going through this? Treat yourself the same way. “We add another layer of suffering when we are too critical or demanding of ourselves,” Greenberg says.
When Bennett is feeling frayed, “l’ll take a 15-minute walk and try to focus on the present moment. I will turn my attention to people walking by, patterns in the clouds, insects buzzing. I might purposely change my breathing to try to slow it down.”
6. Reflect on Your Resources
“You don’t get as afraid of difficult situations if you have had the experience of mastering some in the past,” says Greenberg. She suggests keeping a journal of your previous triumphs over challenges large and small. “What helped you to survive that experience? What strengths and resources did you use?” Maybe you showed tenacity in the face of an illness or drew strength from a spouse during a career setback. Taking this kind of inventory reminds you of what you do have in your corner, and in a moment of stress, it’s helpful to remind yourself of your past wins.
7. Contemplate Your Purpose
Most of life’s big moments — having a baby, landing a promotion — involve healthy helpings of stress. Reminding yourself of the big why behind your anxious times can help you cope better. For example: Parenting can be tough, but I am doing my best to raise awesome kids.
“When we learn to work with stress, we can view stress as an opportunity to help us grow,” concludes Kurland.
