We’ve all experienced a “rock bottom” period in our lives when it feels like all hope is lost. Maybe you’re going through one now. Chances are the culprit was (or is) related to loss in some form, whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a relationship, your possessions, your identity, or a dream. And that gnawing feeling that nothing will ever be the same — and there’s no light at the end of the tunnel and no way out — can be tough to cope with.
This can hit especially hard when you’re a growth-minded person, accustomed to seeking expansion and evolution within yourself.
“We can get to a point in our life where we’ve tried everything and we don’t know what else to do,” Honeybee Henderson, spiritual life coach and DailyOM course creator, tells us. When all hope seems lost, she says, this is an indicator that we need to anchor into a more courageous self, which resides deep in our hearts.
Meet Your Teacher: Honeybee Henderson
Known for helping others heal at a foundational level, Honeybee Henderson is a renowned spiritual counselor and intuitive life coach with decades of experience in the realms of self-discovery, spiritual growth, and personal transformation. “I feel so blessed and honored, and truthfully, like the luckiest person alive to witness someone truly connecting to who they are at their essence,” shares Henderson, who has a master’s degree in spiritual psychology and is currently a PhD candidate in the field of metaphysics. “There is nothing like supporting others in falling in love with their quirks, oddities, and weirdness — and seeing them be brave and bold enough to share who they are in the world.”
What Is Hopelessness?
According to Henderson, the state of hopelessness sinks in when it feels like we’ve tried everything in our power to move forward. “We’ve taken the course and done the meditation practice and learned from the books and watched all the YouTubes and done all the ‘things,’ but still we don’t feel like there’s movement,” she explains.
There’s a feeling of throwing your hands in the air in despair. “Hopelessness can feel like a wet blanket or walking in quicksand,” Henderson adds. “We don’t know what else to do.”
Key Things to Know About Moving Through Hopelessness
- It requires a leap of faith — but it’s absolutely possible. “It really takes that faith in ourselves — and faith in something greater — to move forward, to really grow,” Henderson says.
- Patience is your friend. Even though you might be used to moving forward with momentum, navigating hopelessness can be a slow process, meant to be sipped and stirred, not chugged in a single gulp.
- What you’re feeling can be reframed into a blessing in disguise. Sometimes hopelessness is the result of years’ worth of grief and trauma piling up, Henderson says. We now have this opportunity in our current lives to ask ourselves, “What is it that I need to change to better my life?”
- Being easy on yourself is paramount. “Sometimes gentle practices are the most important and potent to help us to move forward,” Henderson says. Simply getting out of bed or taking a deep, calming breath might be what’s needed to move forward in this moment.
The Spiritual Gift of Experiencing Hopelessness
No one is here to argue that existing in a state of hopelessness isn’t extremely challenging. It absolutely is. But there is treasure to be found in navigating the process of moving from hopelessness to courageous hope.
“Adversity is what teaches us who we are made of,” Henderson says. “And in the darkest of moments, the light shines. Our work is to fan that flame through the heart with faith. Faith brings us something greater to surrender to, and faith allows us to be courageous and take inspired action, even if it’s simply to get up in the morning.”
6 Steps to Overcoming Hopelessness and Finding Inner Peace and Prosperity
While hopelessness can feel like a million-pound weight, or a parasite sucking the life out of you, we have the power to turn it into courageous action, Henderson notes. “When we really surrender and say, ‘Okay, I don’t know what else to do,’ that’s when things can start to shift,” she says.
With that in mind, here are six ways to tap into your heart and find the inner courage to move forward, discovering more inner peace and abundance along the way.
1. Take Baby Steps (and a Breath)
Navigating hopelessness can feel overwhelming, according to Henderson. “Sometimes the answers and the remedies are so simple. We forget to take a breath, to pause, maybe to place a hand on your heart, to let yourself know that you’re okay, that it’s going to be okay. Baby steps help to build confidence to trust your feet again,” she says.
Henderson offers a very simple and impactful breathing tool: Inhale slowly for four counts, hold for seven counts, and then exhale for eight counts. “This will help to relax the nervous system; when the nervous system is not in a state of fight-or-flight, we’re actually able to receive more inspired information.”
The power of deep breathing for overall health has been well-documented in scientific literature over the years. For example, one study found that deep breathing exercise can lower blood pressure and stress in adults. And another meta-analysis linked breathwork to improved mental health.
2. Embrace Humility
The process of moving from hopelessness to courage is very much an inner job, Henderson tells us. “It all starts with getting humble,” she says. “By putting down that ‘sword,’ we can move forward and learn new tools and ways of loving ourselves so we can be more of who we have always been meant to be.”
As we welcome humility into our hearts, we release control and open ourselves up to receiving. This is probably why researchers have found humble leaders to be more successful in fostering collaboration and professionalism.
3. Let Go of the “Shoulds”
“In order to overcome hopelessness, we must let go of the idea that we think we ‘should’ know how to do things — that we ’should’ know how to change and grow,” Henderson says.
She adds, “When we drop this idea that we should be doing something differently, or that we should know differently, that’s when we can really drop into the body and get into the heart.”
Instead of focusing on all of those “shoulds,” Henderson suggests practicing the art of connecting to something greater — which you have always been a part of. And as you tap into this space of grace, you will naturally uncover the courage to take inspired action that will help you shift your mindset and beliefs.
4. Lean Into Surrender
Hopelessness can feel like there’s nothing left that we can do to change our current circumstances, according to Henderson. “But that leads to the art of surrender, of letting go of the ways in which we’ve done things in the past that are often predicated on patterns in our mind. We anchor ourselves back into courage by allowing ourselves the space so that inspired action can come through.”
We make this space by relaxing our nervous system, Henderson says. “Anything you can do to relax the nervous system will help you access your heart faster — and in a greater capacity,” she notes.
5. Focus on Consistency
Don’t think of moving mountains. Rather, think of taking consistent action, whatever that might be. “Taking action with consistency over time brings in trust, which helps us to have faith in ourselves,” Henderson explains.
While there are steps you can take, it’s important to note that the ultimate goal is simply living from your heart, she adds. “When we live in the heart, the actions we take are aligned with our soul, body, and mind.”
6. Cultivate Self-Compassion
Last, but not certainly not least, Henderson says that changing the way you relate to yourself will help you move into a state of courageousness, where peace and abundance naturally exist.
“Work on being sweet to yourself, on finding that voice inside that’s loving and kind, on connecting to the part of you that’s enthusiastic about life. Even if she’s very quiet and small, we want to fuel those parts of ourselves so we can feel a deeper connection to ourselves and to our spirit,” says Henderson.
In fact, research continually nods to the benefits of self-compassion. One study linked it to healthier weight loss behaviors, and another study connected it to a reduced risk of heart disease in women.
The Bottom Line
If you’re experiencing a state of hopelessness, heed Henderson’s gentle advice:
“You can do this, my love. Whatever it is that you are growing through comes along with it the ‘soul-ution.’ You must relax and tend to the parts of you that may be scared, angry, or anxious. Come as you are; all parts of you are not only welcome, but needed. The heart is key, because your inner child, your spark, lives there. You’ve got this,” she says.
And remember that it’s more than possible to move from a state of hopelessness to one of hope, where your heart is leading the way to a more empowered, inspired, abundant life that feels worth living.
