When a certain area of our life feels off for an extended period of time — whether it involves a significant relationship, the trajectory of our career, or anything else — we often feel like we’re stuck in the mud. We know we want to change things for the better. There might even be an awareness of a deeper problem, but it feels elusive ... and we don’t know where to start.
Whenever you feel strained in your external life, there is usually something going on inwardly, says Honeybee Henderson, a spiritual life coach and DailyOM course creator. “And if we trace those different strains back, we usually find that these patterns were installed in our teenage years or beforehand,” she explains. In other words, you’re unconsciously acting out behavioral patterns established earlier in life that no longer serve your adult self.
In order to heal our past, sometimes it makes sense to start at the beginning and work with the inner child, which is the part of us that feels unsafe due to past circumstances from our earliest years. But according to Henderson, oftentimes what needs our love and attention isn’t our inner child, but our inner teenager.
Interested in learning more? Check out Healing Your Inner Teenager
Meet Your Teacher: Honeybee Henderson
A firm believer that our bodies hold all the wisdom we need to thrive, Honeybee Henderson is a renowned spiritual counselor and intuitive life coach with decades of experience in the realms of self-discovery, spiritual growth, and personal transformation. She has a master’s degree in spiritual psychology and is currently a PhD candidate in the field of metaphysics.
“My work is to get people to go from their head into their bodies and then into their hearts to live a life that’s more aligned with their soul,” she says. Henderson has assisted in creating shifts in countless lives, helping others heal at a foundational level and move forward in a more expanded way.
What Is Your Inner Teenager?
Compared to the inner child, which Henderson says holds our spark and is more of a creative source of energy, the inner teenager is a more highly developed part of ourselves. “Our teen years are when the personality starts to develop — and we start to realize that we’re different, but we don’t want to be different,” she explains.
“While our inner child often holds the hurts from the past, the inner teenager is the part of us that feels like they need to protect that sweetness, that innocence. Especially since oftentimes there is not a lot of support in our families,” Henderson says.
All About Your Inner Teen — and the Healing Process
- Think of your inner teen as your gatekeeper. “I think about the inner teenager and inner child as younger parts of myself, and usually the gatekeeper is the teenager,” Henderson says. “If you can get past the gatekeeper, you can really find the sweetness that was brought in when you were born, when you were a child and the world was full of awe and wonder.”
- Anger and frustration can be predominant emotions. “Unhealed teenage trauma often shows up as constant stress, emotional outbursts, and relationship problems,” Henderson shares.
- Self-love and introspection is integral to healing. “The antidote is learning about the self, learning about your needs, and learning about boundaries,” she says.
- Healing your inner teen is ever-evolving. Henderson says that we’re constantly healing — and that healing isn’t linear. Rather, it can look and feel more like a spiral. But you know you’re on the path toward healing when your life starts to feel more peaceful.
Why Working With Your Inner Teen Is So Important
Your inner teen can have a rough shell — and chipping away at it can make a big difference in both your internal and external lives. Per Henderson, as you loosen the grip of your inner teen, that’s when the magic really happens. It’s only then that you can embrace your true essence and unlock creativity, joy, and, most importantly, peace.
As you consciously begin to welcome and support your inner teen through practices such as breathwork, visualization, embodiment techniques, and more, you start to notice changes in your life.
“When those parts of us that used to get triggered are no longer getting triggered, when we are seeing more ease in our relationships, when we are able to communicate our boundaries more effectively, or when we’re able to really hold ourselves accountable and stop playing victim, that’s when we know we’re on the path of healing our inner teenager,” Henderson says.
6 Reasons Healing Your Inner Teenager Will Change Your Life
Healing your inner teenager matters both now and for your future self, Henderson explains. When you allow your teen to be seen and heard, you are validating and loving a part of yourself that has long been hidden and afraid. This has the potential to affect every aspect of your life, from the physical to the emotional and the spiritual.
Below, Henderson shares her favorite ways in which accessing and working with your inner teen will uplift and improve your well-being.
1. It brings greater purpose and meaning into your life.
Healing our inner world, which includes our inner teen, is the single most important investment we can make in our lifetimes, Henderson tells us.
“When we do the work of healing the inner teen, we are closer to knowing who we are, closer to knowing what makes us tick, what makes us move, what makes us feel alive, what makes us shy away.” And when we know ourselves on a deep level, it’s easier to make choices that support our true desires and self-growth, which allows us to feel more fulfilled.
2. It helps you enforce stronger boundaries, thereby creating a sense of clarity and ease in your life.
As a result of working with her inner teen, one of Henderson’s clients learned to trust her gut and more easily say no when something didn’t feel right. “This gave me the power to avoid toxic situations and build better relationships,” she says.
Henderson herself has also experienced this effect. “Understanding my boundaries meant I stopped saying yes to everything and burning out,” she says. “Learning to set and respect boundaries is a game-changer for bringing peace and clarity into your life.”
According to a study, enforcing healthy boundaries in families enables communication and promotes mutual respect.
3. It allows you to find more joyful, aligned decisions.
Accessing our inner teen is like peeling away the layers of an onion. We get clearer on our needs and, importantly, what brings us joy, in order to make choices that feel good.
“We’re able to use our bodies as an antenna for the things that bring us pleasure,” Henderson shares. “And that’s what this life is all about.”
4. It helps you create balanced, harmonious relationships.
Unhealed teenage trauma is often reflected in our relationships, Henderson explains. “In my own life, I found that my teenage pain turned into anger and mistrust, which really messed up my relationships. But once I started healing these old wounds, I noticed a huge improvement in how I connected with others and how calm I felt inside.”
Science backs her up. For example, one study found that working on our inner selves improves our ability to relate to others and cope with challenges in our relationships.
5. It supports you in fostering emotional resilience and self-compassion.
Henderson says her clients feel less reactive and much kinder to themselves as a result of healing their inner teen. “You learn to handle life’s ups and downs with more grace and strength.”
She adds, “It’s not really what happens to you that matters; it’s how you handle the things that are happening in your world that matters. This work is about stepping into a more empowered and joyful future.”
And there’s no shortage of research linking self-compassion to a wide variety of life-changing benefits, including weight loss, according to research, as well as reduced risk for cardiovascular disease, per another study, and improved nervous system regulation, a third study notes.
6. It reduces the stress and anxiety in your life.
When we continually do the work of healing our inner teen, this paves the way for a more balanced nervous system that favors calm and creativity — not stress and anxiety.
Henderson says it allows you to feel more calm and grounded in your body, which helps you focus on the present moment instead of feeling overwhelmed by your to-do list or the uncertainty of the future.
A more regulated nervous system not only comes with a reduction of stress and anxiety, but also improved brain health, per research, as well as increased mental acuity and performance, better sleep, and more.
The Bottom Line
Liberating yourself from old behaviors that were put in place to protect your younger self can have an enormous impact on every aspect of your adult life.
When you say yes to healing your inner teenager, you say yes to yourself — and to making space for a life that feels more conscious and fulfilling.
