Life is bound to hand us lemons, but as the spiritual warrior you are, you can choose to gently add some sweet gratitude into your life — and improve every aspect of your well-being while you’re at it. Plus, gratitude is the way to find your truest, most authentic path.
When we’re going through very difficult times — when we’re grieving the loss of a loved one, mourning the end of a serious relationship, experiencing health concerns, struggling with life’s many challenges — it seems nearly impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It feels easier to shut down than to move toward optimism and to trust that everything is happening for you, not to you, let alone actually feel grateful for the experience.
Gaia Chinniah, a medium and the founder of Soul Progression Therapy and Soul 33, was in her twenties when she experienced her first major “rock bottom” moment. It felt like the ground was being swept from under her feet. “I had my master’s degree, was a television presenter and a marketing executive, and I had started my own product distribution company in Asia,” she tells DailyOM. “[Then] my partner cheated on me. I was left alone in this home we had just moved into, and I had to sit there and think, ‘What is happening? This is not the way I thought my life was going to go.’”
It’s not surprising that Chinniah focused on her relationship’s setback over her many accomplishments. A bias toward negative thinking is literally how we’re hardwired as human beings, Sophia Godkin, PhD, a psychologist, happiness coach, and the author of The 5-Minute Gratitude Journal, shares with DailyOM. “Our brain has this protective mechanism of paying more attention to negative stimuli than positive stimuli to keep us out of harm’s way. We’re also more prone to worrying about the future and to ruminating about the past.”
Gratitude Reduces Negativity
So how do we bypass those Negative Nellies in our minds? The good news is, there’s a magic pill for them: gratitude.
“Gratitude — which can be a feeling of appreciation we have for the people, events, and things in our lives; a quality you have as part of your personality; or a behavior — gives us the ability to drop back into the present moment that is life,” Dr. Godkin explains. “Yes, it’s important to consider the past and the future, and to pay attention to negative stimuli to keep ourselves safe. At the same time, we can also notice that right now, right here, we’re actually doing okay.”
When we’re stepping from the familiar into the unknown (which can feel downright terrifying!), practicing gratitude can be especially supportive. “Gratitude can give us perspective, a way to express ourselves, and have awareness around what we are thankful for,” Chinniah explains. “It allows you to move to a space of empowerment because you’re forced to recognize why things are the way they are, and how you can regain your freedom from that space.”
That’s something she learned firsthand when her relationship crashed and burned. “I really had to look at what I was left with. I turned inward to find that space of gratitude and realized that victimhood wasn’t the only option. I thought, ‘What if I look at it from a perspective that this was actually meant to happen? And what would happen if I could be thankful for the freedom that I now have?’”
Interested in learning more? Check out Positive Affirmations to Start Your Day
The Limitless Benefits of Gratitude
Science has found that gratitude is the catalyst for such a wide variety of benefits, from overall well-being to mental health and everything in between.
“When it comes to psychological benefits, people who practice gratitude tend to be happier, more optimistic, and more satisfied,” says Godkin, who adds that gratitude can amp up our resilience and motivation, and reduce our feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression.
There are also social benefits from a life full of gratitude, the expert adds — positively increasing how helpful, giving, and compassionate we are, and even combating loneliness and isolation.
Studies have also found that an attitude of gratitude helps people feel increased hopefulness in hard times as well as more empathy and less aggression. It also allows us to make friends more easily and to strengthen romantic relationships.
On the physical side, Godkin says those who practice gratitude have stronger immune systems, better sleep, and lower blood pressure — in fact, they tend to be healthier overall. One study linked gratitude to better heart health and mental focus, another to decreased headaches and healthier eating. A third pointed to reduced inflammation among its benefits.
Why Gratitude Is Especially Powerful During Hard Times
For Chinniah, her rock bottom at age 25 paled in comparison to what unfolded at age 33, when she went through a profound spiritual awakening. Although this second ending was enormously painful, she remembered to look for the light because of her earlier experience. “When I moved into the space of gratitude with these seeming losses — which were actually gifts — it enabled me to be in the flow of life.”
When it comes to psychological benefits, people who practice gratitude tend to be happier, more optimistic, and more satisfied.
Adds Godkin, “In difficult times, gratitude acknowledges that, yes, you’re struggling right now. And look at what else is going on: You’re learning things, you’re growing. Gratitude allows that door to open to the future, where you’re actually open to what’s to come and not simply treading through life and stuck in the pain of the past.”
Making Gratitude a Mindset
While gratitude can be something that you do in the moment or a ritual you do on the regular, it’s even more powerful when it becomes your primary state of being. Gratitude can morph into this conscious state of awareness, where you’re continually looking for the good all around you, Chinniah says. And when you get to that place, that’s when the real magic begins to unfold. “Gratitude becomes a real feeling, a sense of freedom that says, ‘I can flow in the state, I can create from the state.’” And being in this flow is the key to manifesting our deepest desires.
In order to get there, heed Chinniah’s advice: “Gratitude is something that is beyond reciprocation,” she tells DailyOM. “As humans we live in this state of wanting, but gratitude asks us to move from a place of expectation to a space of acceptance and acknowledgement. It’s truly the ability to see things lovingly.”
The beauty of living in this state of gratitude as much as possible is that we become increasingly receptive to goodness and love.
How to Practice Gratitude in Hard Times
Although gratitude can be of enormous help during tough times, having a conscious, regular practice is necessary to help rewire the neurotransmitters in our brain and make gratitude a habit — or, better yet, a natural state of being — according to Godkin. With that in mind, here are simple ways to make gratitude a focus in your life, no matter where you are in your healing journey.
1. Don’t Rush Straight to Gratitude
The last thing you want to do is bypass your feelings, Godkin tells DailyOM. “We have to be real with what’s happening. Saying, ‘I’m grateful that my best friend or a family member just passed away’ would be a disservice because that’s not what you’re feeling.”
Instead, she continues, “Start where you are. Then, if you feel a shift in how you’re feeling, you can expand your scope.”
Even when you’re going through a seriously challenging time, there may be opportunities for gratitude in the midst of grieving. When someone dear to us has passed away, for example, we can mourn their death and appreciate their life and what they brought to yours at the same time. “As time goes on, we can appreciate how they’ve changed us for the better, and how their memory perhaps continues to change and shape us for the better,” says Godkin.
2. Start Small, Daily
A daily gratitude practice doesn’t have to be complicated. Chinniah suggests that before bed or when you wake up, you take a few minutes to name three things you’re grateful for within yourself, and then three things that are more external, either big or small.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re repeating the same things every day, because that energy of gratitude is going to build up,” she says. “And then, when you’re walking around day to day, naturally you will start to recognize little things, like, ‘I’m so grateful that person smiled at me’ or ‘[I’m grateful] that person appreciated my outfit’ or whatever.”
You can also take a #hotgirlwalk and spend that time thinking about what you’re grateful for (and how hot you are!).
3. Keep a Gratitude Journal
A study of adults seeking mental health counseling were split into three groups: psychotherapy only, psychotherapy plus expressive writing, and psychotherapy plus an exercise where they wrote letters of gratitude to others. At both the 4-week and 12-week marks, those writing gratitude letters reported “significantly better mental health” than participants in the other two groups. These results held whether the writers shared their letters of gratitude with others or not; just the act of writing these positive letters was enough to make a powerful impact.
If you’re feeling low, write a letter expressing your appreciation for someone’s role in your life to help you feel better.
4. Volunteer to Help Others
When you give your time and energy to causes you care about, you’re helping others, and you may receive gratitude for your efforts. But the benefits of volunteering aren’t limited to the recipients of your endeavors. Research shows that you also get a boost from volunteering, making it a wonderful way to give and receive gratitude.
Even a small act of kindness can have a huge impact on both the giver and the receiver. Secretly pay for the coffee of the person behind you in line and take pleasure in how simple it is to boost someone else’s day — and yours at the same time.
5. Share Your Gratitude
Another idea from Godkin: “You can also take gratitude into your actions with others and express appreciation to the people in your life.”
This could look like texting a heartfelt acknowledgment to your sister for her supportive role in your life, making a home-cooked meal for a friend just because, handing over that gratitude letter you wrote, or even something as simple as boldly giving a compliment to a stranger. These are just a few of the infinite ways of showing your appreciation for all the beauty in your life.
Above all, “find what works for you — whether that’s journaling or doing little acts of kindness — making sure that whatever it is evokes a true feeling of gratitude within you,” Godkin shares. “The most important part of writing, thinking, meditating on, or sharing the words ‘thank you’ is meaning them and truly feeling them.”
