Although we get inundated with messages about the downsides of aging, there’s much more to the story of getting older. In fact, we stand to gain far more than we lose as we celebrate each year around the sun. Here’s why.
DailyOM talked to a variety of experts to understand exactly why we’re so afraid to age (hint: our society’s “go go go” priorities don’t help!), the challenges and benefits of aging, and the key reasons you should joyfully embrace getting older.
Why Are We So Afraid of Aging?
Aging does come with its share of physical obstacles and changes — such as new pain points and reduced muscle mass. But Kellie K. Middleton, MD, an Atlanta-based orthopedic surgeon, says that physical changes aren’t the most common reasons people are trepidatious about aging. Instead, they fear the loss of agency above all else. She explains this as “the fear of losing control over one’s body or being unable to care for oneself.”
Monte Drenner, a licensed mental health counselor based in Windermere, Florida, who counsels many older patients and who, at 65 years old, has personal experience with aging, says today’s “hustle culture” also has an impact on people’s fear of getting older. Much of our value as a person is placed on what we do, provide, and produce. “Aging hinders all of these,” he says, which can feel terrifying: We worry we will soon become insignificant in society.
According to Drenner, fearing the unknown can be extremely destabilizing, but by leaping toward worst-case scenarios (for example, assuming that aging will bring pain, helplessness, etc.), we feed further into that fear.
Challenges That Happen to the Body and Mind as We Age
You may not feel a difference from one birthday to the next, but as you age through the decades, many changes occur. These changes will affect you physically, mentally, and emotionally.
In general, our physical body loses strength as we get older: Skin isn’t as thick, nails aren’t as tough, bones lose their density, joints become painful. And according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 6 in 10 adults have a chronic disease.
Mental functioning may also decline as we get older. “This may include slower reaction times, reduced memory, decreased concentration levels, and decreased ability to learn new things,” says Middleton.
Beyond the physiological changes are worrisome economic ones. The National Council on Aging states that over 15 million adults age 65 and older live at or below the national poverty line. This can feel even more frightening if you find yourself without additional support from family or not where you’d like to be with your finances.
Emotionally, our self-esteem suffers most as we age, Drenner explains. As aging hinders what our culture most values, we feel less useful. “The solution is to get our esteem from who we are and not what we do,” he says. "Not making that shift in one’s thinking will make the aging process even more difficult.”
However, aging looks different to each of us. According to research done through the National Institute on Aging's Baltimore Longitudinal Study of Aging, there are actually “more differences among older people than among younger people,” and that everything from our lifestyles to genetics and disease processes can impact how and when we age.
As you age, you’re better able to handle the twists, turns, and bumps of life’s journey and experience greater feelings of well-being than when you were younger.
One side of aging that has the same effect on everyone, however, is its many benefits. There are many pluses to aging, and changing your mindset around this natural process can actually have monumental health benefits. Research on aging suggests that having a positive mindset about growing older is associated with a lower risk for cognitive decline, loneliness, depression, and chronic conditions.
5 Benefits of Aging
Here, our experts offer some good news that comes with many decades around the sun.
1. Aging Makes Us Wiser and More Resilient
Oscar Wilde once said, “With age comes wisdom.” Research shows that older adults make better life choices than teens and twenty-somethings because they can better assess the long-term ramifications of their decisions.
Thanks to increased resilience, older adults report better quality of life than younger people and believe they are “aging successfully,” even if they’re facing age-related health concerns. As you age, you’re better able to handle the twists, turns, and bumps of life’s journey and experience greater feelings of well-being than when you were younger.
Both Middleton and Drenner agree that a seasoned age brings a sense of all-knowing understanding — which can help aid in life’s challenges. “Aging gives one a perspective from previous life experiences that things, even difficult things, have a way of working out,” says Drenner.
2. Aging Offers Us More Time for Activities We Value
When you’re middle-age and working a full-time job, caring for young children, and/or supporting elderly parents and other relatives, it can mean there is barely any time for yourself. Getting older comes with a shift in those duties, and that freedom opens the door for you to engage in activities that you truly enjoy, whether that be exploring your artistic side, taking on a new athletic challenge, or volunteering.
To make sure you’re setting yourself up to feel the best you can as you participate in all sorts of activities you value, experts suggest building in time to exercise, get adequate sleep, and eat a balanced diet — all important for finding stability in the “new normal” of your older age. The National Institute on Aging advises quitting smoking, limiting alcohol consumption, and reducing stress as ways to care for yourself.
3. Aging Leads to Higher Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence signifies a person’s ability to empathetically maneuver situations and scenarios based on an appreciation and understanding of other people. According to Drenner, it not only means the ability to be aware of and manage one’s emotional state, but also includes being aware of and managing the emotional states of others.
A study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience found that our emotional intelligence peaks around 60 years old. The study asked participants of age 20, 40, and 60 to view videos that elicit disgust or sadness. The 60-year-old participants were better able to put these videos into perspective. In other words, you’re truly coming into your own as you grow older.
4. Aging Leads to Improved Relationships With Family and Friends
According to research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, older adults typically have more enriched and positive relationships with other people. One reason is an older adult’s ability to consider the well-being of the whole group in social settings (i.e., that emotional intelligence we mentioned above).
“With age comes maturity, understanding, and acceptance of others,” explains Middleton. “This makes it easier to form deeper connections with people in our lives. We also gain insight into what truly matters at this stage in life, allowing us to prioritize relationships over other activities or pursuits.”
Having more time as you get older also means there’s more time for you to invest in your loved ones. This is a great opportunity to call, message, or visit family and friends who are dear to you.
Additionally, Middleton notes that seeking support from family and friends can help you maintain a positive attitude toward aging. According to a 2020 study published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, this support can improve your quality of life, while another study showed that marital satisfaction and social relationships confer health benefits on older adults.
5. Aging Offers Inner Peace
A truly peaceful state only happens when you find self-acceptance, believes Drenner. “Acceptance of aging brings peace,” he says. “Acceptance does not mean that I like it, it just means I understand that whatever it is that I would like to change will not.”
That more centered self may be one reason we grow happier as we age (in fact, people tend to follow a U-shaped curve of happiness, with midlife symbolizing the bottom of the “U”), with findings showing that depression rates tend to be highest in our middle years, among other stressors and difficulties. So, even if you’re going through a rocky period (48, we’re looking at you), hang in there, because you’re not alone, and things will get better soon.
How to Accept and Love Getting Older
It can be difficult to change your mindset about aging. But Drenner offers a really optimistic way of approaching this fear. “Find positive role models of those who have aged well,” he says. “These role models can help diminish fear by demonstrating that aging can be exciting versus scary.”
Maintaining a positive attitude about getting older can manage stress levels and can help reduce the risk of chronic conditions, according to Middleton. She offers a few positive affirmations to say in the mirror each day that can boost your mood:
- “I am grateful for my life.”
- “Aging gracefully is a sign of strength.”
- “Aging brings new opportunities I have yet to experience.”
The Takeaway
Of course, aging, just like any other period in our lives, has its downsides. But it’s important to remember that it has many benefits as well — all of which can improve your quality of life, bring you closer to the ones you love, and offer you a sense of well-being that may have felt elusive when you were younger.
Ultimately, aging joyfully is a choice that starts and ends with you. Adopting a positive mindset, spending time with loved ones, and remaining grateful for who you are can ease the natural changes that come with aging.
