Menopause doesn’t always get the best rap. But you certainly don’t have to dread it. Experts share how to make the years leading up to — and after — menopause an empowering, uplifting experience that can change your life for the better.
An internet search for “menopause” can quickly lead you down a rabbit hole of grim warnings about hot flashes, mood swings, hair loss, decreased libido, anxiety, and depression, to name some of the less-than-pleasant potential side effects glaring back at you.
But we’re about to turn that upside down! Experiencing menopause doesn’t have to steer you into doom and gloom. Quite the opposite, in fact. There are plenty of ways in which menopause can impact your mental health (and, dare we say, your life!) for the better.
DailyOM asked experts, all of whom have navigated the transition in empowering ways themselves, to share information that will guide and inspire you. Read on for their wisdom on how to make this time an opportunity for growth and transformation in the most positive ways possible.
6 Ways to Change Your Life for the Better During Menopause
1. Take the Lead
Menopause is a major life transition — there’s no question there. And it can affect every woman very differently, explains Barbara DePree, MD, a gynecologist, menopause specialist, and author of Fearless Menopause: A Body-Positive Guide to Navigating Midlife Changes.
“Menopause is really the only condition when we expect to see endocrine ovarian failure [the absence of ovulation as well as estrogen and progesterone production — the primary function of the ovaries — no longer happening], and we don’t treat it! We simply recognize it and say, ‘Move on with your life,’” Dr. DePree explains to DailyOM. “The brain is a big target organ for menopause because the brain has to adapt to the change of hormones. For some women it’s a nonevent and for other women [menopause] can be disruptive to their mood and mental health.”
Even though menopause is an individualized experience, it doesn’t mean you should go through it alone. Just as women read books and attend classes to prepare for childbirth or walk their children through puberty, they likewise need to prepare for menopause. Unfortunately, the trend for most women going through menopause is to be reactive to symptoms rather than be proactive, DePree says.
When her patients complain about certain health concerns and DePree explains those are documented symptoms of menopause, they’re reassured that there’s an explanation. “This isn’t the beginning of the end and they’re not stepping off a cliff,” says DePree. “When we have more knowledge, we do better.”
So how can you approach menopause in a proactive way?
For starters, write everything down. This means every menopausal symptom and any change in mood, suggests Meg Mathews, author of The New Hot: Cruising Through Menopause with Attitude and Style and founder of Meg’s Menopause, a website that guides women through menopause.
Following your journaling sessions, talk to someone — especially your doctor — whether you have questions about your sex life, your diet and food choices, how to stay active as you age, or anything else. Ask if there is a menopause specialist at your doctor’s practice, says Mathews.
And if you feel like you’re not getting what you need from your current healthcare provider, don’t sit in silence. Instead, make an appointment with a different one.
“Menopause isn’t a time to be shy or polite! It’s a time to get everything in place to help you navigate this journey as smoothly as possible,” Mathews says.
2. Celebrate (and Share) Your Wisdom
Embracing the wisdom you have gained over a lifetime of experiences is worth celebrating, and menopause can become an opportunity for reinvention. Use that knowledge to get clear on what you want in this next phase of life.
“Remember what you gain, not what you lose,” says Carla Marie Manly, PhD, a licensed psychologist and author of Aging Joyfully: A Woman’s Guide to Optimal Health, Relationships, and Fulfillment for Her 50s and Beyond, whom DailyOM interviewed for this piece. “[Menopause] could be the first time of a woman’s life where she is seeing true freedom to focus on her self-expansion and awakening to new roles and a new identity.”
Menopause is a time of reflection and reprieve — and perhaps letting go of decades spent figuring out who you are or what you should be. How do you want to enter into this season of life as the confident, wise woman you have worked so hard to become? How can you best “optimize yourself,” suggests Manly, so that you can show up better for yourself, for your relationships, and for the world?
“Menopause is the time to be a little more selfish [about your health]. It’s a lot about self-care and self-love.”
“In ancient times, menopause was seen as the third step of womanhood [the first being childhood and the second being young adulthood]. It was where all of the life phases and journeys came together to make this magical, wise woman who was the source of intellectual and emotional wisdom to pass along, not only to women, but to the planet as a whole,” explains Manly, who advises approaching menopause through that positive lens.
The planet and younger generations need you, urges Manly. Don’t be afraid to share your stories and life lessons on a blog or even as a self-published book; raise your hand to mentor younger coworkers; or volunteer with organizations that could use your expertise, such as tutoring at an after-school program for at-risk youth.
You never know how your sage advice could change someone else’s life, she says.
Interested in learning more? Check out Overcoming Fear of Aging
3. Feel Good in Your Body
“Menopause is an opportunity to have conversations about expectations and to encourage women to be kinder, practice self-love, and embrace what they do have in this season,” says DePree. “But it’s not as likely to happen without investment.”
If your health has taken a back seat for the past few decades as you tended to the needs of others, now is the perfect time to shift that focus. “Menopause is the time to be a little more selfish [about your health], and it will serve you well if you do that. It’s a lot about self-care and self-love,” DePree says.
Here’s some encouraging research to help motivate you to give your physical health the care and love it deserves as you age: Harvard researchers found that certain healthy habits, even those started at the age of 50, have the potential to add over a decade to your life.
Participants who began to eat healthfully (like snacking on menopause-friendly superfoods), exercise daily, maintain a healthy body weight, drink alcohol in moderation, and quit smoking at the age of 50 had a life expectancy of 93 for women and 87 for men (compared to a life expectancy of 79 for women and 75 for men who didn’t stick to these habits).
“It's never too late to make positive lifestyle changes. Even for those who are 70 or older, following a healthy lifestyle such as eating a healthy diet and being physically active can add more years to life,” says Frank Hu, MD, PhD, senior author of the study and chair of the department of nutrition at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, in the study’s press release.
Menopause can even be a “body positive” experience. That’s because you’re taking the time to care for yourself mentally and physically, and because you’ve grown more confident as you’ve gotten older and wiser. That said, body positivity during menopause in a culture that emphasizes youth as the ideal may take some inner work. Body positivity stems from gratitude (for that aforementioned wisdom you’ve gained from having lived a full life). And when you cultivate gratitude alongside body positivity, this will propel you to continue investing in your health — and loving yourself in this powerful phase of your life.
4. Elevate Your Self-Love Game
Experiencing a body-positive menopause also means consistently practicing compassionate self-talk.
“Choose your vocabulary carefully,” says Manly. “I love saying, ‘I look radiant,’ because it has nothing to do with chronological age. Or say, ‘I want to look alive’ or ‘I want to look joyful.’ We have to be careful as we move forward in an age-centric society to shift it to a love-centric, a respect-centric society where we are honoring each age group for the gifts it brings. It’s important to remind yourself that self-talk matters.”
Positive self-talk also requires resisting the lure of toxic comparison.
It’s okay to compare if you’re noticing how a particular quality in someone else is something you would like to emulate. That’s healthy. However, if you’re saying someone is prettier than you, that’s unhealthy, says Manly. Stay focused on the radiant qualities in yourself and others.
5. Reevaluate Your Priorities and Relationships
During this time, it is invaluable to take a hard look at your relationships. Surround yourself with people who leave you feeling uplifted, suggests Manly.
In particular, stay alongside women whom you can lift up and who will offer the same to you. While each of your journeys might look different, solidarity brings forth encouragement.
“Menopause is a really important time for evaluation and reevaluation,” says Manly. “It is an opportunity to pause and look at the quality of friendships. Is this a person whom I can trust and who encourages me? It is powerful being in the company of other good women. Embrace what is serving you and let go of what isn’t.”
Some examples of what’s not serving you are negativity, saying yes to everyone, and allowing toxic behavior at the detriment of your mental or physical health.
At the age of 56, Mathews says she is happier and healthier than ever before after going through menopause, since it helped her reevaluate. “Menopause changed my life. It helped me find myself,” she explains. “It empowered me and gave me the confidence to say no and to stop pleasing people. I think this is priceless as we get older.”
Not falling prey to the negativity surrounding menopause will be invaluable to your relationships as well. Be careful not to believe everything the internet tells you — whether it be that you’re going to have a decreased libido or that you’ll lose your connection with your partner, cautions Manly.
“Be wary of moving into a dark place of ‘I’m no longer valuable or productive,’” she says. “The negativity [around menopause] is just one side of the story.”
Also remind yourself of what may enhance your romantic relationship during menopause, notes Manly, such as bidding farewell to birth control, not being weighed down by obligations, and having more time and privacy to connect with your partner.
6. Take the Next Career Step
According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), women age 55 and up have had one of the largest percentage growths in the labor force over the past 20 years — with a 64 percent growth from 2001–2011, and a 51 percent growth from 2011–2021. This is projected to go up as women age: The BLS projects that there will be a 104 percent increase of women workers over the age of 75 by 2031. In comparison, the BLS Career Outlook does not expect labor participation rates to change much among other age groups through 2024.
Though people on those “30 Under 30” lists seem to get all the attention, the age of menopause is a golden time to embark on your entrepreneur period. According to a study conducted by professors at Northwestern University, MIT, and the U.S. Census Bureau, a 50-year-old entrepreneur is nearly twice as likely to have a successful startup as a 30-year-old, especially if it’s in an industry where the entrepreneur has had at least three years of previous experience. The BLS likewise has found that self-employment is highest in older age groups since “knowledge and resources gained through years of experience may put older workers in a good position to work for themselves.”
Yet one study by the Yale School of Medicine found that when people experience untreated menopausal symptoms, from hot flashes to exhaustion, that makes it more likely that they will drop out of the labor force.
“Fifty-year-olds and above make up half of the workforce, and that doesn’t include the many people who are engaged in the unpaid workforce [such as caretakers],” says DePree. “We’re really trying to understand the impact of this to society and how to encourage and support women to make this transition [of menopause] with the least negative impact. It’s a big societal loss when women step away because they’re tired or depressed or lack confidence.”
Researchers from the Yale study point to communication as the most expedient way to address menopausal episodes at work, urging women to talk to their healthcare providers about treatments and to speak with their employers to see if their office environment could be adjusted to make them more comfortable.
With support from your employer and your healthcare team, menopause can be an opportunity for new work challenges and new opportunities — whether that’s taking the next step in your career, starting an entirely new one, or volunteering in meaningful ways. Proactively seeking out resources to support you helps not only yourself, but also the countless others whom you will impact with your yet-to-be-shared talents.
And let’s not forget the impact you could have in leading other women away from the negativity that has been clouding menopause for far too long.
“If I had sailed through menopause, I wouldn’t be in the position that I am today to help other women,” says Mathews. “Understanding menopause and how to get help is empowering. Getting in control of what is happening to your body feels great. Trust me, menopause rocks on this side of the fence!”
